


Out of the water

by ganzvielliebe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:56:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ganzvielliebe/pseuds/ganzvielliebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis wants to come out without coming out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the water

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: Ainslie  
> A/N: This is pretty much my headcanon for how they'll come out.

"Hey Harry, what would you say if I asked you whether you wanted to go to the cinema or a club? Or maybe have dinner somewhere? It’s just -… It’s been ages since we did something like that. Just the two of us."

They are still in bed, breakfast has become brunch has become almost-lunch while they watch re-runs of Skins. Or maybe they don’t watch it since that would imply paying attention to the TV when they mostly pay attention to each other, to touching, to kissing. They’ve put the trays on the floor next to the bed not bothering to get up from the comfortable warmth. Now, Louis looks at Harry expectantly; the episode currently running subsiding to a background noise.

"Supposing that by that you mean going on a date I’d be … confused. Did you forget that we can’t be seen together?” A rare edge of spite covers his tone. But it confirms to Louis that they should really put his idea into action. It feels like they need to do this – Harry maybe even more than Louis. “They’d kill us, Lou.” He doesn’t need to specify who “they” are. “Plus, you always say you don’t want to come out. So yeah … I’d be rather confused if you asked me out on a date.” The emphasis he puts on the “if” questioning whether they are indeed speaking subjunctively.

Louis sighs. “For once, I don’t want them to have anything to do with that. It’s our relationship, not theirs. And come one, we are friends, we should be allowed to go out.”

They are both silent. Just the TV in the background. Or maybe not in the background anymore when that’s the only noise in the room. Louis can’t decide whether he’s thankful for the noise or whether he wants to turn the TV off. However, Harry makes the decision for him when he mutes the TV. It’s probably a conversation they shouldn’t have with the TV running, but without the noise there’s no place to hide the words which are stuck in throats.

“So no date, not as a couple.” Louis can see the disappointment in Harry’s face, can hear it in the words. His chest contracts uncomfortably. Maybe his choice of words has been suboptimal. He wants to explain it to Harry, but Harry looks like he wants to say something else. “I guess you’re right and I mean going out as friends would be … nice as well.” Slouched shoulders doing nothing to disguise the obvious defeat.

Louis wants to shout “No, no, no, you don’t understand!”, but he doesn’t do it, never does, because this is Harry and they don’t do shouting. So, he settles for a serious look at Harry. “I want to go out with you. Simple as that. I’m not talking about heated snogging sessions in the middle of the street. And yeah… I probably won’t-… wouldn’t even kiss you.” Instantly, Harry looks like he’s been kicked in the guts. He doesn’t hide it, doesn’t turn away – never does -, lets Louis see how hurt he is. Louis quickly grabs Harry’s hand, entwines their fingers, presses a fleeting kiss to the back of the hand. “But then again, neither would I if I was with a girl or if not everyone in the whole fucking country knew our faces. When I say that I’m not one for PDA I mean it. I don’t need to kiss you in front of the whole world. I don’t need to share our relationship – I don’t want to share it.” He briefly wonders how he has gone from subtly asking Harry out to ranting so fast.

While Harry still doesn’t look happy he smiles slightly and Louis relaxes a bit. He knows that kind of smile, the one that tells him that Harry is trying to come up with something to ease the atmosphere like one of those jokes which aren’t funny, but Louis will always laugh at them. It means that Harry is okay, that they are okay.

“Possessive bitch.” Harry is the only person in the world who can make such an insult sound like an endearment, Louis thinks. They both chuckle because that’s very much the truth. “But that still means that de facto we’d be going out as friends.” 

“No, I want to go out with you as us without having to pretend for them – or for you. I’d probably put my arm around your waist.” With his free hand Louis traces Harry’s hips where he likes to leave marks. With hands, with lips. “Maybe I’d want to hold your hand.” He lifts Harry’s hand to his mouth until his lips graze the skin. “It’s unlikely that I’d kiss you. But then again ... if I felt like it, I’d just do it. It’s just … I’m so fucking sick of pretending and I want to spend time with you outside of our flat without acting like we’re strangers – no offence at our flat.“

Louis has recognised the way Harry has smiled at his – admittedly sappy – actions, so incredibly happy, so fucking in love and everytime, Louis thinks he wants to take a picture of that smile. To keep it with him all the time. To keep it. To keep him.

“So if we were to go out that could result in us coming out or not.”

“Yep … I still refuse to say “I’m gay and I’m very much in love and in a relationship with Harry” unless someone asks me specifically, because it should be no one’s business. And coming out would feel … like a confession, but it’s not something we have to confess. You confess crimes or things you’re ashamed of, not relationships.”

For one moment, Louis has the urge to hit himself. The words sound like a phrase an author would have spent two hours on to fit it in a dialogue, to make it sound casual although the phrase will never fit the tone of the novel; no one ever realises that people don’t talk like this in real life, though. But Harry smiles brightly at him and lunges at Louis, long limbs half covering, half entangling with Louis’. The sound of laughter. Kisses on Louis’ shoulder, neck, ear. Louis feels dizzy, because wow, proximity, and Harry’s skin, touches, scent and curls still do that to him.

“God, I’d love to go on a maybe-maybe-not-date with you.” His deep voice close to Louis’ ear. It makes him shiver, makes him happy. Caught in Harry’s joy and excitement, Louis can’t help but wonder how Harry would react if Louis ever proposed to him. Is it possible to faint because of happiness? The next second, he forces any thoughts of rings aside because they make him sad as much as they make him happy.

Harry folds his arms on Louis’ chest, lying his chin on top. “Why now?”

Louis cards one hand through Harry’s hair when he closes his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now, but remember when we planned to go to Robbie’s concert? Just the two of us and they just … almost physically removed you and instead I was there with the others. This was supposed to be for us and it made me so … fucking angry and sad and is there an adjective for how you feel when you want to scream “Fuck you, it’s not your relationship!” at someone?” He opens his eyes to look at the ceiling because he doesn’t want to remember these feelings. It makes him feel like he’s under water, someone holding his head down until they decide it’s enough, to let him breathe for just a moment. He shakes his head slightly, tries to shake the crazy image out of his mind. “I mean we weren’t gonna go there with rainbow flags. We’d have had enough common sense not to make out with thousand people surrounding us.”

“During Angels we might’ve awkwardly swayed together because you would’ve wanted us to and don’t say anything about PDA now. We both know you would’ve wanted to dance during Angels.” A fond smile on his face and Louis knows he’s right, but wants to argue for the sake of it. He doesn’t though.

“But see, that’s especially what I want to do. Go somewhere, have fun, not being forced to act a certain way -…” Harry’s lips on his interrupt him, kissing him giddy and happy until they are both grinning like idiots.

“How about dinner on Saturday and maybe a drink afterwards?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the story. Any kind of feedback is appreciated.


End file.
